Tag: bullies

Bullying: Students – Parents – Teachers

bullying bystanders

To the parents, students, teachers, bullying targets and bystanders, I ask you if this story applies to any of you? If it does, please change your thinking now. Please!

There were 500 students in a school. They all had similar names.  Some of them were named Everybody. Some of them were named Somebody. Some were named Anybody and some were named Nobody.

When the students, teachers and parents found out that there was bullying going on in the school, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do something about it.

Anybody could have helped the situation but Nobody did.

Somebody got angry about the bullying going on because it was up to Everybody to do something to help the kids being bullied but Nobody did.

Everybody did absolutely nothing because they thought that Anybody could have helped to solve the problem.

Everybody thought that Anybody would help.

Nobody realized that Everybody would do nothing to help.

As it happened, Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done to stop the bullying.

Photo by coltrane004

Guess What? I’m Back!

GUESS WHAT? I’m back and my blog has a brand new look but I am still the old me! I am so excited about the renovations here because I want to make it easier for you to figure out all of the things that I already know.

I want you to be able to see what needs to be done to help everyone feel better about themselves no matter what their differences are! And I want to make the process faster because I am impatient sometimes!

It’s kind of like being in the dark until the curtains are opened. You know what it feels like when the warm sunshine lights up your world and the darkness goes away. Sunshine helps everyone feel better and when we feel better, we can improve the way we see ourselves and the world around us.

That’s what my new website can and will do. And guess what? Along with the new look of the site, I am going to be putting my two cents more because I know all about overcoming adversity and how important self esteem is.

That’s all there is to it! Don’t forget that I’m Rugby Jones to the rescue!

We are sure happy that you came to visit. Don’t be a stranger.

Self-Esteem Building – Part Two

self-esteem

Self-Esteem matters! If this were your child or a child you care about, how would you handle things with him? Well, I don’t have kids but I sure know about them and I know how kids like this often become targets of bullying.

If you ask yourself what do you want for him or her? Be realistic okay? If your kid is short, he won’t usually become tall overnight. If he wears glasses or needs some other type of assistance, that isn’t likely to change. There isn’t any point in telling a kid that he or she is perfect because they know differently. What’s important is to do things that help a child believe in himself or herself. Their self-esteem matters and kids need to understand that the way they think about themselves is the same way that others think about them.

Self-Esteem

If you look at the picture above, you see a kid who is facing two potential bullies. Instead of the boy showing them a fearful and easily bullied kid, he is facing them and saying “Hi.” Why? Because he has a realistic knowledge of who he is and what he is about. He may not be the most popular or the most athletic or the best looking but he is who he is! He likes himself and others see that. When kids like themselves the world sees them differently!

Spend some time where parents and kids gather. You’ll hear all kinds of comments from parents like, “You were wonderful. You did the best. No one else did as well as you did.” That seems like a good thing… right?

New studies are showing that exaggerated or overstated praise can back fire especially with children with low self-esteem. What the studies found was that kids with low self-esteem were more likely to choose easier tasks after they received inflated statements of praise. Often they will be afraid of failure because so much is expected of them. The opposite is true when parents say things like, “You worked hard.”

…Researchers often refer to this constructive encouragement as process praise. Letting the child know exactly what they are doing well and noticing the detail of their work is critical. Trading ambiguous praise for detail-oriented questions lets the child know that their work is interest-worthy. When children are explicitly told what they are doing right (e.g. “good job at cleaning up the blocks”), it’s more effective in changing future behaviors and promoting improved effort. *

Maybe it’s time to think about how you praise your child!

Kids Worry: School Starting
Kids Worry: School Starting

kids worryKids worry about school starting because they may not know what to do or where to go.  Whether they are popular or not they will still worry.  Kids with special needs worry more because of the complexities that they must face. Whenever a new school year begins, all kids need to know what to expect.

There are a lot of things that parents can do so that their children will feel more confident. Since most schools offer the opportunity for parents and children to visit prior to the first day of school, the task should be an easy one. Hopefully your child’s school does have a plan in place so that it will be a simple process.  When your child’s school doesn’t have a plan, you will have to make your own arrangements.

To illustrate, you can make a call and talk to someone at the school and relate your concerns.  During the call, ask  if your child can meet his or her teachers. Additionally, ask for a map of the school so that you and your child can get to know where things are. Remember that it is especially important for children to know where their classrooms, the cafeteria, locker and rest rooms are.

Finally, one of the best gifts that parents and teachers can do for a child is to find a buddy who knows where things are and one who will be willing to sit with the child at lunch. As we all know, it is demoralizing to have to sit alone. Even more, it offers bullies a good opportunity to make fun of a child.

These things may not seem important to you as an adult but please don’t dismiss their concerns.  The issue becomes magnified when children are going to a new school or when they have special needs. In addition, kids worry about being bullied if they don’t know where they are going or what they need to do.

In addition, parents please talk to your children about helping out new kids. After that, talk to them about bullying and let them know that you will not tolerate it.

Specifically Kids Worry about Things Like:

·         Will I know where to go for my classes?

·         Will anyone sit with me at lunch?

·         Will I be able to find my locker?

·         Will I be able to open my locker?

·         Will I be able to find the rest room when I need to?

·         Will I get on the right bus?

·         Will kids like me?

·         Will I make new friends?

We would love to hear your suggestions as to help children prepare for the start of the new school year.

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Bullies and Boyhood

bulliesRecently, I read a book called, The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don’t Play Sports Survive Bullies and Boyhood and wrote a review on it. In an effort to help kids who are not popular due to a lack of ability in athletics, I wanted to share the book and my review with you. The book is available on Amazon.

Bullies and Boyhood

The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don’t Play Sports Survive Bullies and Boyhood hit home for me. I wish it had been available when my sons were young. I have painful memories of times when one of my sons was up at bat. Strike one. Strike Two. I begged God, “Please let him make contact with the ball. Please just let him make contact.“ Strike three. My heart broke as I watched his shoulders drop and his face look toward the ground as he walked back to the dugout.

At the time, I thought that this was part of growing up. Had I understood more about the process, I would have handled things differently. Dr. Edgette’s perspective and approach toward alleviating the pain inflicted on boys who are not “jocks” or even slightly athletic are insightful and long overdue. She highlights the means by which adults can help boys make their way through and survive the “all boys must play sports gauntlet.”

Because this book is specific to boys and sports, it zeroes in on how sports have been but should not continue be a requirement for a boy’s rite of passage into adulthood.

I highly recommend The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don’t Play Sports Survive Bullies and Boyhood for parents and counselors alike.

Bullies are everywhere and adults often need help in identifying issues and sparking communications with their children. This book offers so much to help these children have an “easier go of it.”

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