Tag: Bullying

Bully: Mother Teaches Empathy
Bully: Mother Teaches Empathy

bully - mother teaches empathyBully: Mother Teaches Empathy.

A mother hears her daughter badmouthing someone and worries that she is a bully. Later she finds out that her daughter is texting her friends about the same boy. She is saying unkind things and seems to take pleasure in putting him down.

The mother knows that her daughter is a good person and tries to find bulBully - mother teaches empathya way to teach her about the damage that she is doing. She wants her to understand the effect that her words will have on the boy so that she will stop being a bully. She wants her to understand that words cannot be taken back. She wants to teach her daughter empathy and how it would feel if someone did that to her.

Bully - mother teaches empathyShe has an idea. She tells her daughter to hammer a nail in the fence behind their house every time she says something unkind about the boy. At first, the daughter seems excited at the prospect of hammering nails and gossiping. After a few days, the mother looks out of the window and sees that her daughter has hammered a lot of nails into the fence.

She doesn’t appear to be as excited to be hammering nails as she was on the first day. For the next few days, the mother watches her daughter and sees that she is hammering fewer and fewer nails into the fence.bully - mother teaches empathy She says nothing.
bullyAfter a few days, the daughter comes to her mother and says that hammering the nails isn’t as much fun anymore. She says that she had stopped saying unkind things about the boy and being a bully. (Little did she know that the boy is on the other side of the fence. His heart is hurting. He doesn’t understand what he had done to make her want to bully him by  saying such unkind things about him.)

Bully: Mother Teaches Empathy

bully - mother teaches empathyThe mother waits a while and then asks her daughter how she would feel if someone had said the same things about her that she had said about the boy. Her daughter answers, “I guess I would feel bad.” The mother then asks her to write down the things she had said about the boy. Unhappily, the daughter begins her task by trying to remember all the things she had said. When she writes them down on paper, they seem far worse than when she had said them. They seemed mean.

bully - mother teaches empathyThe mother says, “The problem with unkind words is that they can never be taken back. Even if the person forgives you, the pain of what you said remains in the person’s heart.” Her daughter understands  but the mother isn’t finished. “Now, you need to go out to the fence and remove all of the nails you hammered into it. Remember that each nail represents an unkind word that you said about the boy. The daughter goes out and begins to remove the nails.

As she removes each nail and looks at the holes in the fence, she begins to understand. When she had removed all the nails and sees all the holes, she feels sad. The fence looks terrible and she thinks  about how terrible the boy must feel since she had said so many unkind things about him.

bullyShe walks closer to the fence and then she sees something through the holes. She sees the boy she had been spreading rumors about. She sees  how sad he looks and she feels  terrible. She realizes that she had destroyed the fence and broke his heart. She thinks  about her mom’s words, “The problem with unkind words is that they can never be taken back. Even if the person forgives you, the pain of what you said remains in the person’s heart.” She knows she can’t  fix the holes in the fence but she has another idea.

She walks over to the other side of the fence where the boy is standing. She sees him looking at the holes. She wonders how she could have been so unkind. Really, what had he done to her? She calls to him. bullyI am so sorry. I was mean and I feel terrible. It was then that she sees the tears in his eyes. “That’s okay,” he says. “I forgive you but I don’t understand what I did to make you want to hurt me so much.” She answers, “You were just being you and I couldn’t accept anyone who acted different from me. I was wrong to hurt you and I am sorry. How can I make it up to you?” He looks at her and says, “Maybe you could tell everyone that I’m not so bad after all.”

“I’ll do better than that. I am going to have a party just for you and invite my friends and your friends too. That way everyone will know that I was wrong and you forgive me. Maybe that way, we can put all of this behind us. What do you think? The boy answers, “I’m not sure. Maybe after a while, I would like that but not right now. Thanks anyway.”

With tears in her eyes, the daughter goes home to tell her mother what happened. “I tried to make it up to him but it didn’t work,” she says.

Her mother looks at her with great pride and understanding. “You made a mistake. You hurt someone when you talked behind his back in an unkind way. You apologized and admitted you were wrong. That took strength. You learned so many lessons this week. You learned that your actions do affect other people and that you must be careful of what you say and do. You learned that everything isn’t just about you.

You learned about compassion and empathy. Now you will be compassionate and empathize with others because you have learned how to walk in the other person’s shoes. You learned that you won’t build yourself up by tearing someone else down. And you learned that what you say about others doesn’t define them, it defines you. That’s a lot to learn in a few days. I am so very proud of you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the boy  again. Maybe the next time, he will want to be your friend.

Empathy: Feelings

empathyEmpathy! Feelings! The explanation of feelings helps to teach empathy and instill kindness in children. Kids can be mean! And the best way to teach them kindness is to help them see how others feel.

A little girl who comes to school wearing pretty and expensive clothes makes an unkind remark to a little girl who doesn’t wear that type of clothes. Why? Because her parents can’t afford them or she doesn’t feel comfortable in them.

Sympathy and empathy are not the same thing. Children can be sympathetic when they view a situation through their own eyes and or experiences.

In contrast, empathy requires that a person has the ability to “step outside” of himself or herself. That person must enter the “internal” world of another person. When this happens, a person can experience the other’s emotions from that person’s vantage point.

Sometimes situations, events or people can jump start a child’s ability to empathize. When children’s hearts are touched, often they automatically react with empathy. When empathy comes into play, a child’s attachment to himself or herself takes a “back seat” to trying to help. The following video tells it all.

When The Best Of Us Steps Up, Our Nation Stands A Little Taller…Share this…Credit to: Canadian Tire

Posted by Most Viral Web on Friday, February 17, 2017

Empathy! Feelings!

In the picture above, the two children that Rugby is speaking to must be guided into a state of empathy if they don’t arrive at that state naturally. Maybe the little girl in the dress has been told that how someone dresses reflects her value. Maybe she has been taught that she is pretty too often and she begins to equate what she has and how she dresses with who she is. As young as she is, she may have become vain and self important.

Hence, an approach might be to ask her how she would feel if her parents could no longer purchase expensive clothes for her. What if she had to go to school in clothes like the other girl is wearing? How would she react if kids made fun of her and her clothes? Would she feel better if someone tried to understand how she is feeling and say or do things that might help her feel better?

Finally, a parent or teacher… or dog friend might tell a child how proud he or she will be if this child shows kindness and acceptance of the little girl who is so sad.  Honest praise goes a long way!

Self-Esteem Building – Part Two

self-esteem

Self-Esteem matters! If this were your child or a child you care about, how would you handle things with him? Well, I don’t have kids but I sure know about them and I know how kids like this often become targets of bullying.

If you ask yourself what do you want for him or her? Be realistic okay? If your kid is short, he won’t usually become tall overnight. If he wears glasses or needs some other type of assistance, that isn’t likely to change. There isn’t any point in telling a kid that he or she is perfect because they know differently. What’s important is to do things that help a child believe in himself or herself. Their self-esteem matters and kids need to understand that the way they think about themselves is the same way that others think about them.

Self-Esteem

If you look at the picture above, you see a kid who is facing two potential bullies. Instead of the boy showing them a fearful and easily bullied kid, he is facing them and saying “Hi.” Why? Because he has a realistic knowledge of who he is and what he is about. He may not be the most popular or the most athletic or the best looking but he is who he is! He likes himself and others see that. When kids like themselves the world sees them differently!

Spend some time where parents and kids gather. You’ll hear all kinds of comments from parents like, “You were wonderful. You did the best. No one else did as well as you did.” That seems like a good thing… right?

New studies are showing that exaggerated or overstated praise can back fire especially with children with low self-esteem. What the studies found was that kids with low self-esteem were more likely to choose easier tasks after they received inflated statements of praise. Often they will be afraid of failure because so much is expected of them. The opposite is true when parents say things like, “You worked hard.”

…Researchers often refer to this constructive encouragement as process praise. Letting the child know exactly what they are doing well and noticing the detail of their work is critical. Trading ambiguous praise for detail-oriented questions lets the child know that their work is interest-worthy. When children are explicitly told what they are doing right (e.g. “good job at cleaning up the blocks”), it’s more effective in changing future behaviors and promoting improved effort. *

Maybe it’s time to think about how you praise your child!

Building Children’s Self-Esteem: Part One

building children's self-esteemWhat if you knew the secret to building children’s self-esteem? You could change the world s of all of the children  who suffer from poor self-esteem. You could bully-proof children who have been targeted by bullies. You could help children be more successful in life!

Here’s the thing and I get it. I do know the secret to building children’s self-esteem and it starts when kids are little.  You may be thinking, “What does a dog know?” Well, I’ll tell you.  If you want to help little kids understand that they should be respected and valued, you need to help them understand that everyone is different and that’s okay. They need to understand that being different isn’t a bad thing. In fact being different can be a very good thing. But you need to do it in a fun way and that’s where I come in.

Building Children’s Self-Esteem

Kids love animals especially dogs. I love kids and kids listen to me because I think the same way that they think. I just have more personal experiences that taught me a lot! Plus, I don’t lecture them!  We all know that kids tune out when they get lectured… right? They also tune out when parents tell them how wonderful they are at everything they do and say… every minute of every day.

Look at the picture above.  What do you see? Maybe you will say, “I see the reflection of a happy kid and yours truly smiling.” Well look again! Look at the back of the boy looking at the reflection. He is small. His shoulders are down and his hands are down. He isn’t anything like his reflection. He sees himself quite differently because we both talked. We both listened. We both learned about each other and then he began to get my message. He understood what I meant about building children’s self-esteem. He understood how to begin to build his own self esteem.Building Children's Self-Esteem

Look at the second picture. When we first got together, that is what his reflection looked like. He was sad and he had been bullied. He didn’t see himself as special or of value.

He told me that his parents tell him all the time that he is handsome and talented and that kids will figure that out.  Then he told me that he doesn’t believe his parents because they complement him all the time. He told me that they never tell him anything except how perfect he is. He was confused because he heard one thing at home and something different at school.

To be continued.

Kids Worry: School Starting
Kids Worry: School Starting

kids worryKids worry about school starting because they may not know what to do or where to go.  Whether they are popular or not they will still worry.  Kids with special needs worry more because of the complexities that they must face. Whenever a new school year begins, all kids need to know what to expect.

There are a lot of things that parents can do so that their children will feel more confident. Since most schools offer the opportunity for parents and children to visit prior to the first day of school, the task should be an easy one. Hopefully your child’s school does have a plan in place so that it will be a simple process.  When your child’s school doesn’t have a plan, you will have to make your own arrangements.

To illustrate, you can make a call and talk to someone at the school and relate your concerns.  During the call, ask  if your child can meet his or her teachers. Additionally, ask for a map of the school so that you and your child can get to know where things are. Remember that it is especially important for children to know where their classrooms, the cafeteria, locker and rest rooms are.

Finally, one of the best gifts that parents and teachers can do for a child is to find a buddy who knows where things are and one who will be willing to sit with the child at lunch. As we all know, it is demoralizing to have to sit alone. Even more, it offers bullies a good opportunity to make fun of a child.

These things may not seem important to you as an adult but please don’t dismiss their concerns.  The issue becomes magnified when children are going to a new school or when they have special needs. In addition, kids worry about being bullied if they don’t know where they are going or what they need to do.

In addition, parents please talk to your children about helping out new kids. After that, talk to them about bullying and let them know that you will not tolerate it.

Specifically Kids Worry about Things Like:

·         Will I know where to go for my classes?

·         Will anyone sit with me at lunch?

·         Will I be able to find my locker?

·         Will I be able to open my locker?

·         Will I be able to find the rest room when I need to?

·         Will I get on the right bus?

·         Will kids like me?

·         Will I make new friends?

We would love to hear your suggestions as to help children prepare for the start of the new school year.

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